Love, Love, Love
by drowning-with-feels
Summary: Inspired by the song Love, Love, Love by Of Monsters and Men. Katniss' POV. My take on how she fell in love with Peeta in the series.
1. Part 1

**Love, Love, Love**

 ***Inspired by the song** **Love, Love, Love by Of Monsters and Men** **. Katniss' POV. My take on how she fell in love with Peeta in the series. It's been 4 years since I first read the books and until now, I'm still hooked by it. All I can say is that this series became my hope during my darkest times. Please forgive my grammar since my writing skills are rusted. Please comment, if you feel like it, and enjoy reading :)**

It was a cold April night when you tossed me that bread. The night when the pain of losing my father strikes the hardest, as my sister waits for me to feed her. Your damp blonde hair and the swell on your cheek haunted me every night. I wanted to say my thanks but it would be too late now. How can I say "Thank You" if my knife is at your throat? I hope it will not come to that but my luck says otherwise.

Your friendly act is a part of your game. Now, I can't forget the warmth of your smile as I kissed your cheek, the one that was hit that night. I hope you already forget that night so that killing you will be as easy. Whatever game you play, I need to beat it.

You remember small things about me as I to you. I don't know if I should be happy that you noticed or be disappointed that I'm still looking after you all these years.

 _ **Well, maybe I'm a crook for stealing your heart away  
Yeah, maybe I'm a crook for not caring for it  
Yeah, maybe I'm a bad, bad, bad, bad person  
Well, baby, I know.**_

Your confession confuses me that's why I shove you. No man ever gives me hints of beauty. I'm more of a rough-edged person than the lovable girl you just described. I'm not into love unlike all the other girls in school. I lived on the damage it brought us. I'm the crook that don't care for people's hearts nor emotions, and same goes for you.

You said that you don't want to be a piece in their games. You don't want them to change who you are. I respect your judgment and honesty. I need to win these games for my sister. I told you that I'm just going to gave your regards to your family. I'm a hideous person for treating your death so early in this competition.

 _ **And these fingertips  
Will never run through your skin  
And those bright blue eyes  
Can only meet mine across the room filled with people that are less important than you.**_

During our time in the Training Center, your focus is still on frosting. Your eyes always lit up every time I ask about the cakes you decorate or the different toppings for every bread in the districts. I wanted to pretend that day,that these games will not happen, just to preserve the joy and innocence you still have. This is what I'm going to miss the most - the boy with the bread. The other tributes should mean nothing to me, another obstacle to reach my goal. Nonetheless, it will be harder, to know that all of them are human, and not some Capitol mutts. Now, as I enter the arena, only these etched memories will accompany me. Your blue eyes locked to mine as you shake your head and mouthed "No". I'm in haze of those eyes, regretting that you need to die for me to move on. Your last warning is the distraction that almost killed me in the bloodbath.


	2. Part 2

_**All 'cause you love, love, love**_

 _ **When you know I can't love**_

You betrayed me, or that's what I thought. When the careers trapped me today, I looked into your eyes to see my boy with the bread but only saw the Lover Boy that the games created. And yet, you saved me by taking on Cato. Selfless, that's how you love.

Rue told me that you're still alive. A smile crawled up in me, not for the cameras I'm sure. I'm more than glad that you're alive. Rue reminded me of my sister, that's why it's so easy to love her. We planned on starting the real Hunger Games by blowing up the Career's food. And so we did, but the price is still too high for me. As I sang to Rue, I realized how this world can easily swift away my hopes. My hope to save Rue and I failed. My hope to clean my hands but it will never be. We're disposable pieces in their games just as you said. I can't love, knowing that it will hurt as much as this.

 _ **You love, love, love**_

 _ **When you know I can't love**_

The cave became our sanctuary. A home that I crave for a long time. It's ridiculous knowing that I could find comfort in this despicable games. One kiss turned to two. Our closeness terrifies me in a good way. The games shouldn't feel like touching the sun after the winter storm. But for now, I would succumb to it, for my happiness never last anyway. Comfort, that's how you love.

You remember about the bread. You confess your true feelings and I should be happy. It's all real to you but to me, I don't know. I'm more afraid of losing you as each day gone by. A step towards the final battle is the step that I don't want to take. It means we could go home. It means I should answer to your love.

You're devastated but you don't show it. The girl from 5 will always haunt you as the boy from 1 to me. I never thought that the nightlock would save me. I almost lose it when I thought that you'd eaten one. I can't love, knowing that I could never live if I let you die in this arena.

 _ **You love, love, love**_

 _ **When you know I can't love you**_

We won but the darkness was still surrounding us. A spark is what I ignited. The itch to go back to District 12, to Prim, grows further as Haymitch directs me what to do in the interview. "He's already there" is what he told me when I asked about you. You're always one step ahead of me. You never let go of my hand, your kisses never falter to warm my frozen heart. Affection, that's how you love.

The train leaves, we remain standing by the window, watching the Capitol fade away. You said that no one will be watching once we returned. How shall I answer to your pleading love? Then, Haymitch is the one to break the news, tell him about good timing. Your anger filled the hall, as we shouted obscenities at each other. You stormed off and I let you.

It will be better this way. I will focus on erasing everything that happened. I will try to redeem myself. I will forget the moments of comfort, the heated kisses and the bright blue eyes that kept me safe. I can't love you, knowing that your mere presence will always remind me of the games.

 _ **So I think it's best we both forget before we dwell on it**_

A part of us died in the arena. No one can see it but us. Slowly, we became strangers as the train left. You bake. I hunt. Nightmares swallowed us almost every night. There were times that I would hold on to the comfort of the cave. But in the end, it would turn to another nightmare, of completely losing you. Your house filled with the warm smell of baking goods every time I pass by. Your windows, I always found open as I look at a distance. To forget is the only way. I'm really bad at lying, even to myself.

The Victory Tour looms closer. The pain, that I once thought gone, is coming back to claim me again. After my talk to Snow, the star-crossed lovers will need to be more convincing especially my part. Our silhouette waves through every district, sparkling, igniting more fire than we're supposed to. 

_**The way you held me so tight**_

 _ **All through the night**_

 _ **'Til it was near morning**_

Your arms kept me safe again every night in this journey. It's another way of using you to scare the nightmares away. We remain friends just as you offered. We remain lovers when the cameras edge in. What are we to each other? It just puzzles me more than it should. All I know is that it's a pleasure being by your side.

When I planned the engagement, you walked out because it's not real. I didn't convince Snow but it's just what I need for my strength to rise. I'm tired of convincing people of what I am or should be. I will run since it's what I'm good at. I'm hoping that you'll come with me. You said that your nightmares are about losing me, that it will be harder once we're back. The nights on the train, memories that I should regret but don't want to forget.


End file.
